It occurs to me…

Hatred seems to beget hatred.  Claims of hatred seem to beget claims of hatred.  When claims of hatred are tossed back and forth it seems people quickly forget the source of the hatred.  Soon the A’s hate the B’s because they are B’s and the B’s hate the A’s because they are A’s – as if that were reason enough.  In time the hatred just becomes ingrained, almost reflexive, and gets bogged down in ancillary arguments like “who hated first” or “who hated most.”

Whether we are talking hatred or its younger, less developed sibling – let’s call him/her “Animosity” — someone has to diffuse the situation lest the animosity/hatred escalate.  The mental picture that comes to mind is that of two people tossing a “pin pulled” live grenade back and forth while arguing over who pulled the pin.  What they fail to see, or even consider, is that what is most needed at that point is that the grenade be tossed aside, not back.

Hatred is wrong.  Never give it a pass.  It must be called out for what it is, when it is, where it is. Personal expressions of hatred, political messages of hatred or stated group purposes of hatred may all fall under the umbrella of First Amendment protected speech, but the first five words of the First Amendment are “Congress shall make no law….”  The limitations/obligations of the state aside, as citizens, as humans, we are allowed, required, to call out hatred for what it is, when it is, where it is lest it ultimately devour us.  Hatred is wrong.

From Heather Havrilesky’s What If This Were Enough:

“We are called to savor the process of our own slow, patient development, instead of suffering an enervated anxious state over our value or popularity.”

That can be a tall order, to “savor the process of our own slow, patient development.”  In this time when nearly everything can be brought to our door, or we to it, immediately, “slow, patient development” does not seem to be in favor.  We want what when we want it, and we typically want it, are getting used to getting it, NOW.

In many ways it seems that the “enervated anxious state” has become the accepted norm.  But of coursed some things just take time, whether we like it or not.  I am reminded of Billy Joe Shaver’s song (made popular by John Anderson) – “I’m just an old chunk of coal, but I’m gonna be a diamond some day….”  Or, there’s Ashley Gorley and Bryan Simpson’s song (made popular by Sammy Kershaw, and more so by Tim McGraw) – “I ain’t as good as I’m gonnna get, but I’m better than I used to be.”

A while back I stumbled across The Devil’s Dictionary, a collection of a newspaper column written by Ambrose Bierce in the late 1800s and early 1900s.  It speaks to both the timelessness and the insight that can be provided by dry-witted sarcasm.

“Christian, n.  One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.  One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.”

Guilty on both counts!

Photo taken in Central Park a few weeks back.  (Light altered a bit to add contrast.)

From Richard Rohr, in Everything Belongs:

“I hope we can say ego is not bad.  It is necessary.  The only problem is that our culture teaches that ego is the only game in town.  We take it a little too seriously and take the private ego as if it is full reality.  The nature of the ego is that it tries to fix, name, control, and insure everything for itself.  We want predictability.  But that fixes us in the past.  What was, is, so we are trapped in repeating it and nothing new happens.”

Wow!  There’s a lot to unpack in there, but at the center of it all seems to be the assumption that others see, feel, and experience things as I do – and if they don’t, well, they damn well should.  One would think that decades of experience to the contrary would have worn my ego down on this belief, but that ego is, it seems, one tough, resilient sucker!  That is, it occurs to me, Rohr’s point.  The ego is not bad.  We want/need it to be tough lest we melt into a puddle with each adversity, but at the same time, it needs to be a bit more open-minded, less cocksure.  Which I guess takes us back to metanoia, and that constant Romans 12:2 renewing of the mind.

Recently I read a story about a long-time restaurant in town that was closing – closing today after more than sixty-five years in business.  The restaurant happens to be one of my favorites.  I have had many meals there.  Driving by it recently, shortly after the closing announcement, I noted it was very busy, I guess because people want to get one more memory of the place, though maybe they just want a good plate of cheese enchiladas.  Whatever the reason, it occurred to me that I already had good memories of the place, and Lord knows I have had my share of cheese enchiladas there.

It occurred to me that this was yet another reason (as if we needed any) to live in the present, to savor those moments in life whether they come in the form of a light rain while sitting on the porch swing, the solid crack of the bat from a well-hit baseball, or a warm, almost too hot plate of cheese enchiladas, beans, and rice.  All which lead me to this thought:  One can spend so much time and effort looking forward (plans) and looking back (regrets) that the power of the present (now) is lost.

Today I came across one of my favorite C. S. Lewis quotes from Mere Christianity: “Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive….”

This is both humorous and true.  I am rather free in my expectation to be forgiven (I didn’t mean it, it was a mistake, a momentary lapse in judgment, I forgot…) but the stakes rise when the insult or injury is to me (how dare you, I can’t believe that you,  just wait until, WTF?, you #$%@…).  It seems to be that the righteous indignation of newfound “victim status” instantly overcomes any intellectual understanding of the concept of forgiveness. This is, I suppose, why Lewis refers to forgiveness as “this terrible duty.”  Still, we keep trying.

Heather Harvilesky, writing on “enough,” suggests this as a starting point: “You will recognize that you are not headed for some imaginary finish line, some state of ‘best’ness’ that will finally bring you peace.”  I know something of the “illusory finish line,” having set up many, crossed some number less, and still being on the journey to cross others.  I have imagined that completion, happiness, contentedness can only occur “then” — only when I cross that finish line as a result of some act, accomplishment or occurrence.

The “finish line,” it turns out, is just a product of my own imagination, or that of someone else, and the reality is that no sooner than I cross one finish line (if not before) another appears.  The image of a hamster running inside a wheel comes to mind.

All of which points to the thought that Havrilesky may have this right.  Maybe, it occurs to me, just maybe, as is true in many races, the starting line and finish line are the same – they are both present in the spot we call “now.”

“…in a world so full of love, but not enough to go around.”  A World So Full of Love, Roger Miller

I found this song recently listening to some old Roger Miller tunes and it stuck with me.   While Miller is known mostly for his upbeat, funny songs (You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd, Dang Me…) he has this gift for writing songs that convey both hope and despair – which this song, this line, certainly does.  That mixed message seems to resound with me, I guess in part because it seems to accurately reflect reality.  In this I am reminded of Max Ehrmann’s closing line in Desiderata:  “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.”