In his book, Awareness, DeMello writes about the four steps to wisdom. (I know, you’d think it takes more than four!) Step four relates to changes, and his analogy is quite good.
So you have an ailment and get your neighbor (who you don’t care much for, but is your only option) to take you to the doctor. Sitting in the examination room with your doctor and neighbor you explain all the symptoms. The doctor listens patiently, then hands you a prescription. As you get up to leave you note than the prescription has been made out for your neighbor, not you. So you ask your doctor how he expects you to get better by your neighbor taking the prescription, to which your doctor replies – “Exactly.”
All of which points to step four – most of the change that needs to occur in order to attain wisdom (or happiness, or such) is on me, not them. As DeMello puts it: “We always want someone else to change so that we will feel good…. You are the one who needs to change, who needs to take the medicine.”