“Silent gratitude isn’t very much use to anyone.” Gertrude Stein
My first reaction on reading this quote was a simple “duh!” But then, I thought more about it. There is plenty of value to silent gratitude — worlds of value in a smile, a hug, in silently taking someone’s hand. I am reminded of the Keith Whitley song line – “You say it best when you say nothing at all.” That said, a well-placed “thank you” or other verbal expression of gratitude is always a good call.
Photo taken in the Phoenix area a few months back.
“Our minds are Velcro for negative information but Teflon for positive.” Rick Hanson
Reading a book, Gratitude Works by Robert Emmons, I came across this quote attributed to neuroscientist Rick Hanson. It seems there is a scientific basis for the ease with which I slip into and stick with the practice of negativity, what Emmons calls a “built in bias” toward negativity. This is an example of what is generally known in psychology as a “knowledge to performance gap” and is exemplified in Paul’s familiar conflict as stated in Romans 7:15-19:
“For I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do….”
Nothing in this, of course, makes “normal” feel good, but it does identify a commonality in the inclination to accentuate the negative, and a place from which to start cultivate a more grateful disposition.
“…and remember what peace there may be in silence.” Desiderata – Max Ehrmann
So easy to forget, “what peace there may be in silence.” Often, silence makes me uncomfortable, and there seems to be this inherent need to fill it by saying or doing something, anything. But it occurs to me that just as light seeps in through the cracks, that still small voice that can’t be heard in the cacophony of life seeps in through the silence – and I need that still small voice.
I am reading a book on gratitude by Robert Emmons – Gratitude Works. One chapter, though 100 pages into the book, caught my eye, so I read it first: The Biggest Obstacle to Gratitude – and Its Remedy. It seems odd to me that he would wait until five chapters in the book to share this, but then if I read the four chapters, it might make sense. In any event, it turns out that the biggest obstacle to gratitude is entitlement (ugh!), and the remedy for it is humility (ugh x 2). This paragraph from the book states it so well that I won’t try to improve on it:
“Gratitude is the recognition that live owes me nothing and all the good I have is a gift. It is a response to all that has been given. It is not a getting of what we may desire. My eyes are a gift. So is my wife, my clothes, my job, my every breath. This is a major shift. Recognizing that everything good in life is ultimately a gift is a fundamental truth of reality. Humility makes that recognition possible. The humble person says, ‘How can I not be filled with overflowing gratitude?”
Indeed, how can I not be filled with overflowing gratitude? Well, somehow, I seem to find a way. I’ll go back and start at the first chapter.
“If you compare yourself with others you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” Sunscreen – Baz Luhman
That settles in – “for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” It highlights the dual risk of comparison, pride and guilt.
“Because I am/have _____ I am/must be superior to those who aren’t/don’t.”
“Why do I deserve to be ____ when that person is ____?”
It occurs to me that the resolution lies in gratefulness – being thankful for what I have, whatever I have. It may be more than some, less than others, but it is what I have.
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is to let it rain.”
Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
This hits home with me today. Granted, the achiever in me will never be resigned to a total life of resignation, but as Kenny Rogers would say, we have to “know when to hold ‘em , know when to fold ‘em.” As my friend Russ Adams used to remind me, sometimes, when you find yourself in the desert, you just accept it and make peace with the desert. Or stated in Longfellow’s terms, okay, it may be raining, but I’ll do my best to stay dry, and the sun’s gotta shine sometime.
“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
Now there is a sobering thought – and, on reflection, likely a true one. It is easy to be quick to judge actions of others as being focused on/against me. “That asshole cut ME off in traffic” may really be the other driver needed to change lanes to make the exit and my car (among thousands of others on the road) happened to be the one behind him at that moment.
Granted, “enough to disarm all hostility” is a lofty goal, but it does sound a bit better than “enough to shame me and put me in my place for being such selfish and insensitive prig.”
It occurs to me... 